By Suzanne Braun Levine,
FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY,
10 Life Lessons for Women
In Second Adulthood
Second Adulthood is all about change…the changes that befall us and those we generate. The first without the second creates a miasma of disappointment. The second, if it doesn’t incorporate the first, is frustrating and discouraging…
While some women can redesign their lives from top to bottom–and keep on doing it–most of us can only manage small changes at first…The changes need not be as dramatic as parachuting out of a plane or as operatic as running off with cable guy, but they will probably feel as momentous.
Going back to school may be too big an undertaking right now; try exchanging a regular TV show for the crossword puzzle every night. Opening a craft store would be fun, but maybe all you can handle for the moment is a pair of knitting needles and an evening at the local yarn shop with others in the same boat. Quitting an oppressive job may be a necessary objective, but getting a wardrobe together for the job search may revise your self-image, which can make taking a life-changing risk imaginable.
Moreover, changing the metabolism of our days is not only about adding on experiences; it may be just as much of a healthy shake-up to pull back from a time commitment, an emotional involvement, or a long-standing responsibility….
The change can even be a one-time thing. I know a woman who dared herself to sign up for a Harley motorcycle course for women over forty. She did, and she loved it. But she says, she’d never do it again “Just driving a motorcycle one time set me free!”
Big or small, moving forward or retreating, a change of any kind gets the currents moving…What does matter–very much–is the deceptively simple insight that nothing changes, if nothing changes.
The good news is that any action–large or small, proactive or reactive, affirming or denying–will make something happen. I’ve paired each piece of advice with its opposite to underscore the point that there is no, and there can never be a one-size-fits-any-two-women, let all one an all-women Guide to Change: Scale up. Scale down. Acquire. Discard. Give. Take. Join a Group. Quit a Group. A Master Plan. Unplan. Tell Your Demons to Shut up! Engage Just One Demon. Go for it!
Whatever act seems most doable is the one to start with. It doesn’t matter what we change first or even whether that change will make any difference in the long run. Anything that gets you moving will help get you where you want or need to be.
Copyright © Suzanne Braun Levine, “Fifty Is the New Fifty: 10 Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood” (Viking, 2009).
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