STORIES FROM THE FRONTLINES OF SECOND ADULTHOOD – “DEB’S” STORY
We are launching a new feature – Stories from the Frontlines of Second Adulthood. The stories are from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY and my other books, women I have met through lectures, interviews, friends, and now through this website.
Throughout our lives, we have taken on so many roles. So many imposed expectations. So many responsibilities we weren’t sure we could – or wanted to – handle. So many doubts about performance. Now the scripted lines are giving way to the sound of each woman’s own voice, with the words to tell the truth as she sees it. The defiance and daring that are precipitating so much change bring us closer to who we want to be.
That defiance and daring are the source of everyone’s unanticipated delight: behaving badly. The repertoire of outspoken, outrageous, and downright mischievous behavior that each of us has been building since the first winds of change hit is so liberating that I call that behavior the Fuck-You-Fifties.
As Horizontal Role Models, we are all – adult women of any age – empowering one another. Along the way we are accumulating Life Lessons for growing up, sharing them and celebrating where they are taking us. You will hear from many of them on this site.
Here is “Deb’s” story (from FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY). I am sure you recognize her sate of mind:
“I remember my mom saying to me on her forty-fifth birthday, “It gets better as you get older.” Yeah, right! I thought she was nuts. I was a smug 23 years old. She was just beginning her dance with middle age and she was famous for her mood swings. She used to chase the kids around the house with a fly swatter. I remember feeling sorry for her and thinking she had to say things like that, to make herself feel better, an affirmation of sorts. She certainly could not believe it!
She had a fridge magnet that said “over 40 and felling foxy.” It made me just cringe. C’m on this was my MOM! Well, guess what? My mom’s gone but her magnet has the place of honor on my fridge. And guess what else? I’m over 50 and feeling foxy.
I don’t want to look, feel or be 20, 30, or even 40 ever again! A hard body and fresh face is not worth the struggles those years bring; the self-doubt, the constant comparisons, the need to fin in, to measure up, be as good as. I’ll take this age any day? I’ve found that what I lose on the outside I gain on the inside.
Sure my hormones are raging, but instead of seeing this as a negative experience, I look at it as an opportunity to hear what [my body] is saying and fix what needs to be fixed. I’ve cleaned up my act. I quit drinking and began paying attention to what I put into my body. In fact, I began to respect my body.
I’ve made some significant changes in my life. I stopped putting all my eggs in everyone else’s baskets and began to fill my own. I discovered I have a creative spirit and initiated many projects that have filled my life with joy and prosperity.
Despite all the craziness I feel good. Happy. Sure of myself. Completely the opposite of the scared 13 year old [I was] when I first began to fill up with hormones. Now, on the other side of the river I am self-possessed. I have a strong sense of faith, of who I am. I accept myself, all of it, good and bad. It’s a nice place to be.
Does this story sound familiar?
Where are you on the road to understanding what matters to you?
Share your story here.