We Can Only Learn from Each Other
When the first copy of my new book FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY arrived from my publisher, my emotions were mixed. On the one hand the book embodies the long-awaited launch of my ideas into the public conversation. On the other hand, it makes me vulnerable to the public’s response. Curiously, though, I feel somewhat less vulnerable this time out than when INVENTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES was published several years ago.
This is due in part to the fact that I was in my fifties when I wrote the first book and I am in my sixties now. While being in your sixties makes you more vulnerable to invisibility in some circles, it also sets you free from caring so desperately about what other people think. (And, my friend Robin always adds, caring more about what you think.) That’s part of it. But the main reason is that in the interim I have figured out a thing or two, and I am less confused about what I call Second Adulthood.
I wrote INVENTING THE REST OF OUR LIVES because I was totally bewildered about what I was feeling and experiencing. I sensed that I was entering a new stage of life, but I wasn’t at all sure I wanted to go there. In the course of many conversations with other women in the same boat, and interviews with people who seemed to have a bit of perspective on what was going on, I began to figure out that Second Adulthood might just be the best stage of all.
Now, after a little more living and many more conversations with women like me who have found real-life solutions to some of the challenges we confront, I see that while this stage of life is unique to each woman, there are patterns too. I think of FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: 10 LESSONS FOR WOMEN IN SECOND ADULTHOOD as the sum total of the wisdom, insights and anecdotes I have accumulated so far.
We can only learn from each other. Because we cannot look to past generations for guidance and inspiration, we are becoming one another’s Horizontal Role Models: The woman who is giving up stiletto heels simply because they are uncomfortable. The woman who is questioning the nature of her relationships and the meaning of her work. The woman who is ready to try some new and totally out-of-character experiences on for size. They all have helpful – and hilarious – stories to tell.
Now that there are more of us making our way through Second Adulthood and now that more of us have been there long enough to look back on how they got there, we can share our Life Lessons. Whether one of us is coping with a crisis the requires adjusting to a “new normal” or laughing her head off over coffee with her female “circle of trust” or standing up for herself by saying “no” loud and clear, I believe our collective wisdom will inspire her to take charge of her life, get to know her new self – and go for it, in ways that matter to her.
So if I feel a little less vulnerable about saying what I think I know now, and a little less fearful of generating controversy, it is because those women are the strength of my convictions.